Dear Younger Me:
A spiritual letter to little, teen and young adult me...
Dear Younger Me:
You can’t possibly know yet what all you are working and cultivating in yourself will grow up to be. You can’t possibly know that watering the first seeds will germinate fully, be grounded in pure loving healing, and all questions will rest peacefully. When someone doesn’t know how to take you in or believe that you are too much, please remember that you are exactly the magic you are creating.
Dear Me - Beautiful Young Me - You don’t have to hurt for the reflection of others, for what they try to impose in your metaphysics. They may project insecurities, lies, wishes they have long held for themselves and you live them without a filter. Don’t hold on to their projections so tight. Yes, life is full of human drama and we have to put up with so much from so many--and yet, we don’t have to accept this meaning. We don’t have to let a scar form. We don’t have to let the words cut so deeply until you actually bleed. You don’t have to pile on affirmations on top of falsehoods told about your worth. You don’t have to. I promise you it will all soon disintegrate.
Do you remember the one time they - the gatekeepers- sat you down and said you wouldn’t make it? Well…you’ve made it. They all lied. You always had it in you. You had a way of bringing it all together, your brains, your independence, your determination - and you have bathed in the coldest winter waters to be in the birthing womb once more. The chrysalis has opened, you made it through.
Sometimes I have asked myself why we have to also love so deeply in this lifetime, because from where you stand to now we have many partings. However, I look at the muse that you are and the muses that embrace you. You are moving art. You are moving music. You are art moving with passion. You are an art form who is free of constraints - like an ever running river with no dam. Don’t let the naysayers and the moments of doubt stop you. Keep going and thank you for holding on to your vision of creativity. It is turning into this moment where I have my hands over a keyboard again. And it turns into sweet moments you privately own, your journals, your scrapbooks, your sketches. Your art nourishes my soul.
I hope you would carry the past a bit less, for your own sake. I wish you to know how heavily you were carrying the past and the secrets of too many people. I promise you, a path of forgiveness is more than possible and it will liberate your soul. You will have to carry no one with you, and in this you will still sustain many.
Sometimes I believe with every goodbye I just make more space for you, to remember you and love you. To hold you up and remind you that you do not have to live under anyone’s shadow. You are much more than your relationships. You are much more than anyone’s validation or rejection. You are Love Eternal. This is why your love is fierce and long lasting, because true love has no ending.
I know your shoulders are still heavy with the weight of what once was your family’s dysfunction. I know you had hoped to not be made to understand the suffering of someone fully grown, responsible for you and yet holding a bottle of liquor as if it was a more precious being than you could ever be. You let it sink in so deeply but you will come to know, the pain belongs to someone else and not you. We did not have to accept that pain.
Do you remember the time we went from our hands feeling warm with excitement and also a bit of nervousness picking out our Tarot card deck? Our eyes wide open because the hands that were used to meeting in prayer inside of churches found a more genuine path in this very different spiritual gift? I remember. The same ecstasy felt in prayer by the pulpit was transmuting itself to holding these cards in our hands. They still sit in their own altar and they have helped us and many others along the years. And the artform remains shifting, growing and loving.
Dear Me - thank you for being so fully you that you let desire grow into your body even after sexual trauma. That you refused to give your power away in its entirety and it is why you hear over and over again that you can not be enslaved. Why would a river that has long run wild try to impose a dam against herself. You will flow free. You will flow wild. The promise of real freedom is just around the river bend. Thank you for dancing, dancing so fiercely and joyful that of all the paths of Oshun you were chosen: Ibu Anya - the Drummer. Artist, dancer and master to the beat that speaks to the heavens (Olorun). Your joy has fully transcended.
Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for being so strong. Thank you for being so resilient. Thank you for loving so fiercely, it will all pay off in the end. Thank you for all you did for us to get here. Thank you for all you still do. I promise you - you do not have to do it alone anymore.
